Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
