i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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