When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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