clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
