I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
