Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
