he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
