hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
