Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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