Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
