I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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