I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
