My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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