This is not my ceiling
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
