shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it's like heaven, but drunker
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
