I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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