She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
