Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
