I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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