So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
