Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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