i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
