I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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