I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
