Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
