he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
