I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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