Duck Duck Cougar?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
