Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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