ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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