Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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