I just pynch a tree in the face
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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