Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
