I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
