i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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