I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
