oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
