who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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