I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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