i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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