I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
