so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Mom said you looked used
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
soo... how was my night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
