dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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