69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
