I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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