was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
