Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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