god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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