Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize