Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
