After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
