I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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