I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
