Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
