I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need to calm my uterus...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
