i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Enjoy the penises
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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