she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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