He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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