Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I have vodka in my lungs
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
