I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
