Soap is not a condiment
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
