dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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