I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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