i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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