i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
