The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
