i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This baby is an asshole
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
