Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
