Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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