i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
