LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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