Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
