I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
