My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
