you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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