atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
