i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
