What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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