i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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