I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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