sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
