Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
