How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
