these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
