According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
