Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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